I don’t now why my sudden interest in monogamy has sparked such a scandal with everyone I know.

It really is quite amusing.

Everyone is discussing techniques to ‘breaking’ me. I can’t help but laugh. It’s as though I’m some kind of wild, uncivilized thing in need of re-education.

I’m officially titling this experiment ‘The Traviata Fiasco’. A clever allusion to Verdi’s La Traviata, where a Parisian courtesan leaves her life of hedonism and libertinage over the man who steals her heart and ‘rescues’ her from living in sin.

Given she gives up the man she loves for his own good, and she dies in the arms of her lover, both things I plan to steer clear from, but still, a good enough experiment.

The reason I title it a fiasco is because I don’t believe I’ll ever truly convert to the restricted ways of monogamy (I’m far too happy with my freedom), and also, because I predict my vain attempt at a conversion of any sort will indeed result in a terrible fiasco.

It will indeed be a humiliating failure-- not in the sense that I will feel humiliation over not accomplishing my goal, I could care less about that, but rather, the whole affair will involve humiliating situation after humiliating situation.

Let’s face it, not every vanilla boy out there will be comfortable with my kind of background. And while I don’t feel shame, nor do I regret any of the things I’ve done, I’m bound to be severely judged and misunderstood. Which again, I honestly don’t mind. It’s once I’ve grown attached to someone, and they begin to run me down over past things I’ve done, that I truly get hurt.

There’s a difference between stating true facts, and being sadistically cruel.

I suppose that is why I cling so affectionately to this new ‘family’ of mine.

There is an admirable lack of prejudice.

I admit I do find perverse pleasure in making your average Vanilla-boy, or your average Mr. Straight cringe in shock or terror at the mention of this or that, however. And it is, in fact, the surest way to rid myself of someone, or to test how interested they are in me.

I wonder if these is one of the cases where one must lie and lie well? If it’s going to be a tryst, there’s nothing wrong in being Violetta Valery. I adore crafting up characters for myself and playing the parts as though they were true.

For this experiment to work, and for it to be a long term commitment, I’ll have to steer away from your average Mr. Straight. No good ever comes from playing the role of the prudish little lamb, only to then ask what they think about being beaten with a cane, or if they’d be willing to do a whipping session.

It requires too much trust and confidence, I’m afraid. I’ve never let anyone ‘play’ with me without having trusted them with my life first. Jeffery I could coach and mold as I pleased. Then the 3 months I spent in Nicolai’s estate serving as a slave. He knew was he was doing--- he’d been doing it all his life.

With Michael there really is a sense of trust where no topic of conversation is taboo, and so we discuss how to please the other better, and exchange boudoir stories. There is an actual friendship involved-- it’s not a matter of ‘business’. And he’s a doctor, of course, so he knows where and how to hit without risking any of the vital organs, and he’s an excellent ‘aftercare’ provider.

Equally, I’ve studied all this; taken classes for properly abusing someone and not hurting them, and how to provide the proper aftercare.

I wonder if going for sessions to a Domina while in a relationship is cheating?

If your partner can’t fulfill your sadomasochistic needs, or refuses to do so, you should be entitled to be able to go to someone who can provide them. It’s not like you’re paying for sex since you’re not getting any. You’re paying for another kind of service.

I think Bree Van de Kamp had to deal with Rex going elsewhere for it, since she couldn’t do it.

It really is a complex topic.